stop blaming others

How to stop blaming others and accept responsibilities?

When you study people, you will find that unsuccessful people have a bad habit of blaming others, complaining about situations and giving excuses for their failures. Blaming events and other people than themselves for not achieving their own goals. So how to stop blaming others or situations?

Excuses disease

Let us have a look at common excuses you and I hear very often. Some of them are part of our irrational thinking too.

  • My manager did not consider raising our department staff’s salary since ……, it has affected the entire department’s drive and I am a victim of that too. That’s why I could not achieve so and so. He is such a big obstacle to our success. I wish…..
  • In this bad economic situation, higher management has decided to reduce the commission plan. I don’t know how this is going to help?
  • The market is down, there is no way to get business and moreover, commissions are rescued. I don’t think management has any strategy to boost sales. It is demotivating the entire dept. and due to this reason, I am demotivated. I wish…..
  • My health is not helping me to grow. Since I have such and such pain, I can’t ……
  • I always attract bad luck. I was the first contact with that client. But I was on vacation when the client decided to make a deal. Other sales person was lucky to close that deal in my absence. Why it always happens to me? My bad luck….
  • I am too fresh in the company to understand the concepts. My other collogues who are experienced, always have better pieces of cake. Being new in the company, I can’t grow as faster as others.
  • I am too old now and can’t handle some of the complications because of my age. You know, after all, with age you bring some limitations. I wish I could have achieved it when I was younger.
  • I am not so smart to learn those concepts quickly. My friend had a different atmosphere when he grew up. He was smart and sharp since his childhood, so he achieved….

Don’t be a victim of excuses disease

Such excuses are familiar to most of us and we hear and see such cases very often. In-office, at home, in society, with close friends and other family members, we have come across such conversations many times.

All of the above excuses as nothing but diseases. Complaints that appear from the mind and then wrap up our entire belief system.

When a person becomes the victim of such illness, he makes up his mindset with this paradigm and sticks to it. Unless he works to alter such a pattern of thinking, he will suffer from this disease. He gives such excuses to others in order to defend his position in society.

  • I could not achieve this because …..
  • If that wouldn’t have happened, I would have been….

Such a mindset is developed due to thinking errors. Our brain is very strong and helps in generating our emotions depending upon beliefs attached to it. A constant pattern of thinking style is the origin of our habit of thinking the way we think. As positive thinking is a habit, so thus the negative thinking is. Stop blaming others, it is a negative habit. It can ruin your long term relations with others and become an obstacle in your career too.

 …for there is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.  

William Shakespeare

Remember, we are what we think. It is also true in our habits. Our thinking habits are shaped by the pattern the way think. That is why we need to keep our thoughts positive in all situations.

Stop blaming others, accept responsibility

To get empathy from social peers or react to failure, some people start blaming other events or people and make others responsible for their failure. This is a general habit of unsuccessful people. When they see there is no way out and they can’t think of how to handle the failure, they start blaming situations or other people. In our example above blaming department manager, or blaming economic depression, is the practice of people with such negative behavior. These incidents are common in the office while discussing with coworkers, in social gatherings, and among friend’s discussions.

Blaming others have many psychological shortcomings. Basically, it is a defense mechanism that the mind generates instantly. People who keep accusing others or situations lose self-confidence. They start looking for an easy way to escape from circumstances, give up, accept the conditions of how they are, and keep attacking and cursing the events or people. The more they blame others, the deeper they strengthened their perceived powerlessness.

Remember, the longer we bring certain thoughts or behavior in our daily routine, the stronger they accustomed to the neuronal pathway of our brain. If we put liabilities of our failures on others frequently, our brain starts accepting it as a fact and perceived thoughts develop it as our strong beliefs.

How to avoid blaming other people, events or situations?

  • Recognize thinking errors.
  • Admit responsibility for the situation.
  • Negativity is contagious, so keep away from negative people.
  • Keep yourself in the company of positive thinkers. Remember, positivity is contagious too.
  • To know, blaming other people may damage your relationship with them, and it is a big obstacle in achieving your success.
  • Remind yourself, blaming others will shut the door of them helping you in difficult situations.
  • Take responsibility and build confidence in yourself.
  • Remove the habit of giving excuses.

In his book, “Magic of thinking big”, Author ‘David J. Schwartz has given explanations on below excuses in detail.

  • Health
  • Lack of intelligence
  • Age constraints
  • Bad luck, etc.

Health Excuses

As per the official website, being diagnosed with motor neurone disease and given two years to live in 1963, Stephen William Hawking’s achievement and contribution to the world is a known fact. Millions of people on the earth are aware of his achievements. He went on to Cambridge to become a brilliant researcher and Professorial Fellow at Gonville and Caius College. From 1979 to 2009 he held the post of Lucasian Professor at Cambridge, the chair held by Isaac Newton in 1663.

Helen Keller lost her sight and hearing abilities when she was 2 years old. Yet she ended up achieving so many success stories in her bag. According to Hellen Keller International, “Helen’s first book, an autobiography called, “The Story of My Life,” was published in 1903”. Helen was graduated, becoming the first deafblind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree. She was an author of a total of 12 published books. Many more records are associated with her name and students across the world are studying about her in their academic curriculums.

One of my relatives in town 200 km south from city Mumbai, lost his eyesight and became blind in a traffic accident. After more than 2 decades he is still living his life with his family doing small business in town.

Recently I had attended one of our company’s conference in Orlando, Florida. This conference changed my way of thinking about some health excuses we attach to our circumstances.

There was a lady, who was on the stage to sing songs and motivate the audience. Her name was Ali McManus and with a beautiful voice, she inspired the audience. More than 300 people in the hall stood up and gave a big applause to her which lasted for several minutes.

That time I was not only acknowledging her efforts, but my mind started thinking about her success story. How this lady with every physical challenge could achieve such a success.

According to Ali Macmanus website, her vocal capacity equaled only 30%. Born 3 months premature and weighing 2lbs 7oz at birth, she was given a 50/50 chance to live. While Ali has endured 11 surgeries, halo tractions, steel rods to fuse and straighten her spine, a full-body cast, and more, she tells us, 

“I don’t see myself as a person in a wheelchairI see myself as a regular person who just happens to sit down all day.”

Remember, A positive mindset is key to remove any obstacle which may bring fear in you of being the victim of excuses.

These are just a few stories, there are countless other stories that show that there is no barrier between a person and success except his own beliefs. If I start to write about people who have achieved success despite their physical challenges and health issues, this article will become too long.

Let us have a look at some of the tips on how to remove health excuses from our minds.

Don’t make propaganda for your health challenges.

Do not talk about your health issues every time with your coworkers, and other society members. It brings negative feelings every time you talk about it to others. You may discuss it when it is needed to talk to. Like family members to get their opinion on how to handle such illnesses, or to get friends advice on which physician to consult to, or your doctor, to know about your condition and to get medicines and therapies related to it, etc. But making it a habit of discussing it to everyone and giving you illness as an excuse for not accomplishing your desired results will keep you behind from achieving success.

Do not worry about it too much. Worry is not going to reduce your illness. Rather chances are that worry is the root cause of the symptoms for illness a person may be suffering from.

Remember, if there are thousands of people who have achieved success being challenged by their health issues and physical disabilities, you are much better in health and are greatly capable of achieving your dreams too.

Be grateful.

Count blessing of God showered on us before complaining about anything.

“And if you should count the favor of Allah, you could not enumerate them”

Holy Quran 14:34

Always be grateful for what you have.

You do not know how thousands of people are suffering on this earth and what their miseries are. Remember, there are countless of souls on the earth who are happy with less than what you have in your possession. This helps a person to overcome self-pity and try to work hard to achieve more.

“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet”

Sadi

Thank God for every moment of your life.

Recently I read a piece of viral news on social media. One old man started crying when he was handed over the bill for a few days of oxygen supplied during his illness period in the hospital. He was not crying because of the bill was very high. He was well capable of paying the bill. The reason he was crying that he realized, he was taking God’s gift which is free oxygen for granted and merely paid attention to this blessing from God. Imagine how many of God’s gifts we are enjoying every moment.

Being grateful to God improves our physical and mental health. It also boosts our energy and helps in improving our immune system.

Lack of intelligence

Most people underestimate the potential of their brainpower. They think they can’t do what other genius has done. But they do not accept it in public that this is one of the reasons they are lacking behind.

With respect to intelligence power we either,

  • Underestimate our own competencies. Or
  • We overestimate another person’s capabilities.

Imagination is the ability of the mind to be creative. Every person has limitless power in the brain. It is not important how much is the limit of your brain, but that how much intelligence you can use out of it. It is not about the quantity of brain but the quality of your intellectual thinking power.

Remember, knowledge is power when you act upon it productively. Everyone knows that cigarette smoking is injurious to health, but how many people are avoiding it? Or applying this knowledge to their daily life?

Don’t underestimate your own capabilities.

In our company’s sales department, some of the sales team members are less than average in their achievements. What made them fall behind? They underrated their own ability and became a victim of a Lack brain excuse. They sell themselves short. Their confidence lack due to their belief in their own abilities to sell.

In the same context, some salespersons are always overachieving. What is the difference between these two categories of sales team members? Many of the former think they lack in their intelligence. So they lack in their attitude. If they work on their confidence rather than blaming their own brainpower, they may be able to achieve greater sales.

  • Use your mind to develop ideas and work on applying those.
  • Always see the reason why you can achieve it, not why you can’t.
  • Build a positive attitude toward people and events.

Age constraints

Obstruction due to age factor is one more complain most of the time you hear from people. Like,

  • I am too young to understand or compete with experienced ones.
  • I am too old to handle this.

Some youngsters may think that old employees with longer experience in the company are trying to block their way in achieving success. In some circumstances, this may be correct, but those who really count in the management will not. Management will give you responsibilities based on your confidence and ability to handle the task. When you get an opportunity show your best and you will find that you are already climbing on the success ladder.

On the other hand, fear of old age can also be harmful. Especially when the economic situation is depressing or the company is going through a major transition. Thinking about the old age factor and how to handle change can be one of the roadblocks in achieving success.

When you beat down the fear of age excuse, you grow faster and you achieve more success.

Remove the age factor from your list of excuses

  • Remember, age itself has no limitation in your achievements unless you provoke belief in yourself that you can’t handle it due to age factor.
  • Build confidence in yourself and utilize your time productively.
  • If you can manage extra time doing productive things in a day, it is better than losing time in less productive things for longer period.
  • Learn time management techniques.
  • Stop wasting too much time on non-useful TV shows or useless posts on social media.

Stop blaming Bad Luck.

We hear such dialogs on a regular basis.

  • He was lucky to have that…,
  • I am not lucky to get such….
  • In this case, my luck is always….

“The worm’s bad luck is the bird’s good fortune.”

Matshona Dhliwayo

Sometimes, it may happen that by chance, people face a problem or they get the benefit from some situation. They call it by luck.

Remember, Luck has nothing to do with our choices to handle the situation.

It is possible that when you join the company, you may suddenly face economic downtime. You may think it as a reason affecting your achievements and accuse the bad luck.

In this case, your recruitment time and market economic depression are by chance, but your reasoning bad luck for not achieving your goals is due to your attitude.

Remember, your actions to handle that situation is your own responsibility.

Focus on what is in your control, rather than what is in your interest. Improving market trends is in your interest but your actions and your attitude are in your control. You need to put more effort into and develop different strategies to handle the situation. Just blaming bad luck will attract more bad news.

It is very easy to blame luck for any failure in life. Many people find it as the easiest way to through responsibilities from their shoulders and attract others’ empathy.

Some of my friends keep blaming their own luck for not having enough time to work-out on a daily basis. I don’t have luck to get that time to work-out. My job and family responsibilities keep me busy throughout the day. I can’t…

Instead of taking responsibility for their own choices not to exercise, they blame their busy schedules for not achieving it. Remember, going to the gym and reserve some time to work-out is your own choice, it is not by luck.

Remove bad luck excuse from your habit

  • Look at the situation. What you perceived your bad luck may be due to your own inability to handle the situation.
  • Take responsibly for your condition. Learn what is holding you back and make a strategy to handle it.
  • Put some efforts in preparing, planning and executing certain ideas. Apply those strongly and there may be the possibility you achieve what is in your interest.
  • Stop blaming bad luck, look at what is in your control and how you can put more effort to get desired results.
  • Don’t wish for it, work for it.
  • Look for people around, you will find people just don’t become successful due to their luck. Their strategy to become successful and handle failure in a healthier way is the key to their success.

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Zuber Palawkar

Zuber Palawkar

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