“Thinking is mother of necessity and grandmother of invention.”
As we breathe, and we take our breathing for granted, all of us think and not all but most of us take our thinking for granted.
Since morning we get up, our first thought comes in the mind whether to get up quickly or relax a bit and enjoy the warm bed for a little more time. And the process of thinking continues till we go to sleep. Also just before sleeping, we have thoughts like, what we need to do tomorrow early morning… and so on. So what is the relation between thinking and behavior?
According to the book Mind Power by James Borg (a Positive psychologist and author of many books), every human being thinks around 60 to 70 thousand thoughts in a day. Imagine the number of thoughts we are to receive in our brain on a daily basis. This little brain with an average of 1.3 to 1.4 kg size in our body, if it has to go through all those thoughts and process them one by one, it will block all other human activities. The person may do nothing but just processing these thoughts.
The brain is very powerful to process the thoughts
By default, the brain has the ability to screen these thoughts and process only those thoughts which are appropriate for processing. That is why it is very important to have a habit of thinking positively. Only thoughts that are of benefits to a person need to be processed and other thoughts that are not of benefits can be ignored or let those just passing through. It depends from person to person, which kind of thought a person’s mind thinks are important to process.
A positive mindset does not mean ignoring any kind of danger or threat which may occur. It is to understand the threat and positively make a strategy to resolve it in a proper way. Considering them as a challenge rather than perceiving them as a threat to survival.
“ …for there is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. ” William Shakespeare
There is a famous proverb, necessity is the mother of invention”, in my opinion, thinking is the mother of necessity. When you think, you bring necessity to your life. And when necessity is recognized, you tend to search the ways to invent some ideas on how to produce things which will help in achieving it. So ultimately thinking became the grandmother of the invention. Everything we use in our life invented by someone who had thought that it is a need for human life.
When you think about thinking, you will know that you feel the way you think. It is not the event that makes you angry, but the belief which you attach to those events or thoughts is the real reason for it. Modern methods in psychology like Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is used to focus people on their thoughts, their beliefs attach to those thoughts, and its effect on emotions and their behaviors. CBT helps people to correct their thinking pattern and assist them to alter their behavior accordingly.
“Change the way you think, and you will change the way you feel.”
I myself have used this technique in my personal life. I found it to be very effective when I was very much affected by stress and anxiety.
Your belief to an event produces your feelings and behavior
Think about a day, you had a much stressed day in the office. The whole day, you were busy planning on a project which is been delayed from its planned date of delivery. Stakeholders have asked for the reason for this delay several times. You have been busy preparing a presentation to show what was the cause of the delay. And how this project will be successfully delivered by extending a very short and acceptable duration with not much additional cost involved in it. But when you look at the resources, you find that you are short of supplies. An additional push to the new deadline may increase the cost, which will affect the net profit from this project.
To know, Such situations are common in the business world. Some of us handle it in a professional way and some of us make a mess out of it in our business and family relations.
After this tiring day of work, when you have had a fight with many project stakeholders and co-workers, you reached home late. You are exhausted and you find that your wife and kids are waiting at home to go out for dinner in a restaurant nearby. As soon as the door is opened at home, your wife asks a question for the reason of this delay. This moment what do you feel? How you react to your wife’s question? Some may take it easy and explain the situation to her that there is an emergency in the office and it took most of his time to concentrate on the nature of the job and its outcome. But some may get offended on such a question and then you probably know what might happen next?
If you attach the meaning to her question like,
“Yes, I had promised my wife and kids to take them to the dinner. I forgot to call them and tell them about such an urgent task appeared. We could postpone the dinner for the next day”,
I such scenario, you find that you will explain to her the situation in a very polite way and the rest of the situation is under control;
If you are one of those who attach belief as,
“She doesn’t understand that I had a very tiring day in my office today. She shouldn’t ask such questions when I return home. Why are they ready to go to the restaurant? I did not call them from office and tell them to get ready.”
You will find that your mood changes to bad and you get angry and offended by this question. It may result in a big fight with her, lead to raising heart rate and increase blood pressure.
There are different feelings such as comfortable in the preceding situation, while miffed, offended and angry feeling in later. Even though the event is the same, but two different behaviors and two distinctive results reported. Also, there may be different behaviors, such as accommodative, adaptive or anger and avoiding to talk to her. Both behaviors are the result of the belief you attach to the event.
I don’t need to explain what happens next in both situations. Remember, your spouse is not your property, he or she is your partner who equally deserves respect as you do. Respect your partner and gain high respect in return.
Intellectual thinking is key to adapt positive behavior
Intellectual thinking is most important in order to take control of our emotions and behaviors in any situation.
Some of the negative emotions may include, fear, anger, sadness, disgust, surprise, anxiety, depression, envy, guilt, hurt, jealousy and shame, etc. And its related behavior includes avoiding something, becoming isolated, laziness, being violent, over-eating or restricting food intake, avoiding a situation, procrastination, seeking reassurance, taking alcohol or prohibited medications, using safety behaviors, etc.
Some of the positive emotions may include, joy, happiness, hope, pride (Not arrogance or ego, these are negative emotions), inspirations, gratitude, etc. And it’s related behavior includes, energetic, caring, charming, enthusiastic, faithful, funny, and kind, etc.
Call to action:
Keep one notebook and pen on the side table beside your bed.
Write the title of this notebook as my positive diary.
This notebook you will use for the next 30 days to write your “Daily goals”. Write your day to day observation of your negative thoughts or situations, your reactions to those thoughts or situations and your own suggestions on how you could improve to correct those situations or thinking process under call to action.
Write daily goals at the beginning of the day, and call to action at the end of the day.
When you are awake:
Write in the diary on the top of the page, “Today, I will stay positive all day.”
I want to achieve___________________________________________________ in my life.
My today’s goal is _________________________________________________
Write today’s minimum 3 events or thoughts which you think were negative in nature.
Explain the meanings you attached to such events or thoughts.
Record your reaction over these situations in brief. It may be positive or negative.
Write your opinion on how you could have done better to improve the situation.
|Write today’s thoughts or events which you think were negative||Explain the meanings you attached to such thoughts or events||Record your reaction to such thoughts or events||What do you think you could have done better to improve in such Scenarios?|